Throughout my life I have maintained poor boundaries and then shut myself off as a protection against being used. This has cost me the love I sought to gain by being too open. I can learn to respect myself, set realistic boundaries and keep them. By being authentic, I will earn the love and respect I desire.
Boundaries
Posted in depression, recovery with tags authenticity, boundaries, depression, mental health, respect, self-respect on February 17, 2008 by Norman ReidJoy
Posted in depression, recovery with tags depression, happiness, joy, mental health, soul on February 16, 2008 by Norman ReidWe deserve to have joy. It is our right. But it is also our responsibility, to recognize that the decision to be joyful is ours to make. The source of joy resides within. We cannot look outside ourselves for the key to our happiness. We can live our lives in the moment, ever mindful of the wonder of life and knowing that true joy springs from our souls.
Authenticity
Posted in depression, recovery with tags authenticity, depression, recovery, spontaneity on February 15, 2008 by Norman ReidSpontaneity is a gift to us from living in the present. Freed from restrictive paradigms handed down from others, we become authentic persons and live as ourselves. We may resist being entirely real, perhaps fearing criticism. But our authenticity is a birthright. It can bring us joy. I resolve to live in the moment and let my soul play.
Inferiority
Posted in depression with tags depression, inferiority, mental health, recovery on February 15, 2008 by Norman ReidFrom time to time, I will be posting some brief sayings about the recovery process, which I hope will be useful to those who are in recovery and in need of help. Today, I have chosen the topic of inferiority, something that can affect any of us who suffer from depression.
When we believe we are flawed, we can easily feel that we are inferior to others. We may fail to speak our opinions, our boundaries can be easily transgressed and we become easy prey for crutches such as drugs or alcohol. As we recover, we can learn that we are perfect just as we are and gather the strength to overcome our feelings of inferiority.
Pain Behind the Mask
Posted in depression, writing with tags depression, mental health, writing on February 3, 2008 by Norman ReidI picked up a new book on depression the other day and just finished the first chapter. The title is The Pain Behind the Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch and Christopher Kilmartin. The thesis of the book is that male depression is very often different from “classical” depression, which most frequently characterizes depressed women. While “classical” depression is experienced as deep sadness, with crying, sleeplessness, worrying, moping and self-blaming, male depression tends to be covert, hidden behind a mask of extreme responsibility such as workaholism or acted out through substance abuse, sexual addiction, violence or risky behaviors. The authors argue that although depression is diagnosed twice as often in women as in men, the fact that much male depression is hidden makes it greatly underdiagnosed and underrecognized.
The authors argue that male depression has two components. The first is dissociation from feelings. Men are raised to suppress and hide their feelings, even from themselves, and many do an admirable job of this. The second is engaging in behaviors that are destructive to self and others with whom men are in relationship–spouses, partners, children, co-workers.
Unlike some other books on male depression that I have read, this book is carefully prepared, thoughtful and reasoned. I am enjoying reading it because I like intelligent books and because it is giving me new information about depression–particularly male depression.
Why am I reading it? Two reasons. First, I suffered a depressive “crash” about ten years ago and have been in active recovery since that time. A part of my program for recovery has been to read practically everything I could get my hands on that would help me understand my condition and what I can do about it.
Second, at the encouragement of my therapists, I have decided to write a book about my experience with depression. I want to cast it in the context of male depression generally, because my depression looked like male depression often does until I had a breakdown. It turns out, there are not many books out there about male depression, which is greatly misunderstood and, as I said, underdiagnosed and underrecognized. So, I am hoping there will be a good market for my book. I’ll have a lot more to say about male depression and about my book in the future.